The Appearance of Love

There were times when being forced
to participate in relationships with men
which had the appearance of love
didn't seem like rape to me
as they savagely ravished my entire being
disguising it behind romantic notions –
just another way, I was told
to safely explore their emotions

In my excitement as a child
with fragile thoughts it took me a while
To confirm the absence of love in these encounters
as hands beat my body black and blue
to make me produce
My mental survival depended on
putting distance between what I saw as me
looking through the windows of their eyes at my body
and yielding until I grew old enough to fight back

My elders, who saw my abuse and turned away
witnesses to the rage on my abusers’ face
still I was forced to stay in that place - called home
surrounded with family, all alone

When I had children I declared
that they wouldn't live in such a nightmare
they would be able to live and be free
of abuse, unlike me ---
they would know real love

Dancing With Promises

When night falls, descending from
the stalking winds that plague the day
into the stillness of the night air
evoking wishful thinking

There, rescued from the wilderness
of the mind, cluttered with the day’s
trials and tribulations moving them
gently into oblivion, with promises fulfilled
of love freely given and joyfully accepted

… To dance in the midst of shadows

© 2004 Amias

a repose

i recall the day we
laid down on a
blanket of dew
covered bluebells
and wild dandelions

the sun was
just beginning to rise
and the moon was
still visible
in the early light

and your lips
brushed mines like
a flutter of air
i lost my breath
in your smell

that was the day
i laid my innocent
by the wayside
and fell in love
with a dream

© 2002 amias